UC-NRLF 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

GIFT  OF 

Aileen  R.     Jaffa 


PIERSON  &  ROBERTSON, 

Booksellers  a-od  SUtione; 


THE    GARROTERS. 

Jam. 


"WHY,  EDWARD,  \YHAT   IN   THE   WORLD   IS   THE   MATTER'?" 


THE 

GARROTERS 

jFarce 

BY  W.  D.  HOWELLS 


NEW   YORK 

HARPER    &    BROTHERS 
1886 


Copyright)  1883, 
BY  HARPER  BROTHERS. 

Copyright,  1885, 
BY  W.  D.  HOWELLS. 


All  rights  reserved. 


GIFT 


THE    GARROTERS. 

(Jam,) 

I. 

A  T  the  window  of  her  apartment  in 
Hotel  Bellingham,  Mrs.  Roberts 
stands  looking  out  into  the  early  night 
fall.  A  heavy  snow  is  driving  without, 
and  from  time  to  time  the  rush  of  the 
wind  and  the  sweep  of  the  flakes  against 
the  panes  are  heard.  At  the  sound  of 
hurried  steps  in  the  anteroom,  Mrs. 
Roberts  turns  from  the  window,  and 
runs  to  the  portiere^  through  which  she 
puts  her  head. 

000 


6  THE   GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Is  that  you,  Edward  ? 
So  dark  here  !  We  ought  really  to  keep 
the  gas  turned  up  all  the  time." 

Mr.  Roberts,  in  a  muffled  voice,  from 
without:  "Yes,  it  's  I." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  fi  Well,  hurry  in  to  the 
fire,  do  !  Ugh,  what  a  storm  !  Do  you 
suppose  anybody  will  come  ?  You  must 
be  half  frozen,  you  poor  thing !  Come 
quick,  or  you  '11  certainly  perish  ! "  She 
flies  from  the  portiere  to  the  fire  burning 
on  the  hearth,  pokes  it,  flings  on  a  log, 
jumps  back,  brushes  from  her  dress  with 
a  light  shriek  the  sparks  driven  out  upon 
it,  and  continues  talking  incessantly  in 
a  voice  lifted  for  her  husband  to  hear 
in  the  anteroom.  "  It  was  only  a  spark ! 
If  I  'd  dreamed  it  was  any  such  storm  as 
this,  I  should  never  have  let  you  go  out 


THE    GARROTERS.  7 

in  it  in  the  world.  It  was  n't  at  all  neces 
sary  to  have  the  flowers.  I  could  have 
got  on  perfectly  well,  and  I  believe  now 
the  table  would  look  better  without  them. 
The  chrysanthemums  would  have  been 
quite  enough ;  and  I  know  you  Ve  taken 
more  cold.  I  could  tell  it  by  your  voice 
as  soon  as  you  spoke;  and  just  as  quick 
as  they  're  gone  to-night  I  'm  going  to 
have  you  bathe  your  feet  in  mustard 
and  hot  water,  and  take  eight  of  aconite, 
and  go  straight  to  bed.  And  I  don't 
want  you  to  eat  very  much  at  dinner, 
dear,  and  you  must  be  sure  not  to  drink 
any  coffee,  or  the  aconite  won't  be  of  the 
least  use."  She  turns  and  encounters 
her  husband,  who  enters  through  the 
portiere,  his  face  pale,  his  eyes  wild,  his 
white  necktie  pulled  out  of  knot,  and  his 


8  THE   GARROTERS. 

shirt-front  rumpled.  "  Why,  Edward, 
what  in  the  world  is  the  matter  ?  What 
has  happened  ?  " 

JRoberts,  sinking  into  a  chair  :  "  Get 
me  a  glass  of  water,  Agnes  —  wine  — 
whiskey  —  brandy  —  " 

Mrs.  Roberts,  bustling  wildly  about : 
"  Yes,  yes.  But  what  —  Bella  !  Brid 
get  !  Maggy  !  —  Oh,  1 911  go  for  it  myself, 
and  I  won't  stop  to  listen  !  Only  —  only 
don't  die ! "  While  Roberts  remains 
with  his  eyes  shut  and  his  head  sunk 
on  his  breast  in  token  of  extreme  ex 
haustion,  she  disappears  and  reappears 
through  the  door  leading  to  her  cham 
ber,  and  then  through  the  portiere  cut 
ting  off  the  dining-room.  She  finally 
descends  upon  her  husband  with  a  flagon 
of  cologne  in  one  hand,  a  small  decanter 


THE  GARROTERS.  9 

of  brandy  in  the  other,  and  a  wine-glass 
held  in  the  hollow  of  her  arm  against 
her  breast.  She  contrives  to  set  the 
glass  down  on  the  mantel,  and  fill  it 
from  the  flagon,  then  she  turns  with  the 
decanter  in  her  hand,  and  while  she 
presses  the  glass  to  her  husband's  lips, 
begins  to  pour  the  brandy  on  his  head. 
"  Here !  this  will  revive  you,  "and  it  '11 
refresh  you  to  have  this  cologne  on  your 
head." 

Roberts,  rejecting  a  mouthful  of  the 
cologne  with  a  furious  sputter,  and 
springing  to  his  feet :  "  Why,  you  've 
given  me  the  cologne  to  drink,  Agnes  ! 
What  are  you  about  ?  Do  you  want  to 
poison  me  ?  Is  n't  it  enough  to  be  robbed 
at  six  o'clock  on  the  Common,  without 
having  your  head  soaked  in  brandy, 


10  THE   GARROTERS. 

and  your  whole  system  scented  up  like 
a  barber's  shop,  when  you  get  home?" 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Eobbed  ?  "  She  drops 
the  wine-glass,  puts  the  decanter  down 
on  the  hearth,  and  carefully  bestowing 
the  flagon,  of  cologne  in  the  wood-box, 
abandons  herself  to  justice  :  "  Then  let 
them  come  for  me  at  once,  Edward  !  If 
I  could  have  the  heart  to  send  you  out 
in  such  a  night  as  this  for  a  few  wretched 
rosebuds,  I  'm  quite  equal  to  poison 
ing  you.  Oh,  Edward  !  who  robbed 
you  ?  » 

Roberts :  "  That 's  what  I  don't  know/' 
He  continues  to  wipe  his  head  with  his 
handkerchief,  and  to  sputter  a  little  from 
time  to  time.  "All  I  know  is  that  when 
I  got  —  phew  !  —  to  that  dark  spot  by 
the  Frog  Pond,  just  by  —  phew  !  —  that 


THE   GARROTERS.  11 

little   group   of  —  phew  !  —  evergreens, 
you  know  —  phew  !  " 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Yes,  yes  ;  go  on  !     I 
can  bear  it,  Edward." 

Roberts:  "  —  a  man  brushed  heavily 
against  me,  and  then  hurried  on  in  the 
other  direction.  I  had  unbuttoned  my 
coat  to  look  at  my  watch  under  the  lamp 
post,  and  after  he  struck  against  me  I 
clapped  my  hand  to  my  waistcoat,  and 
-phew!" 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Waistcoat !    Yes  !  " 

Roberts:  "  —  found  my  watch  gone." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "What!    Your  watch? 

The  watch  Willis  gave  you?     Made  out 

of  the  gold  that  he  mined  himself  when 

he  first  went  out  to  California  ?     Don't 

ask  me  to  believe  it,  Edward  !     But  I  'ra 

only  too  glad  that  you  escaped  with  your 


12  THE   GARROTERS. 

life.  Let  them  have  the  watch  and  wel 
come.  Oh,  my  dear,  dear  husband ! " 
She  approaches  him  with  extended  arms, 
and  then  suddenly  arrests  herself.  "  But 
you've  got  it  on !  " 

Hoberts,  with  as  much  returning  dig 
nity  as  can  comport  with  his  dishevelled 
appearance  :  "  Yes  ;  I  took  it  from  him." 
At  his  wife's  speechless  astonishment : 
"  I  went  after  him  and  took  it  from 
him."  He  sits  down,  and  continues  with 
resolute  calm,  while  his  wife  remains 
standing  before  him  motionless :  "  Agnes, 
I  don't  know  how  I  came  to  do  it.  I 
would  n't  have  believed  I  could  do  it. 
I've  never  thought  that  I  had  much 
courage  —  physical  courage ;  but  when  I 
felt  my  watch  was  gone,  a  sort  of  frenzy 
came  over  me.  I  was  n't  hurt ;  and  for 


THE   GARROTERS.  13 

the  first  time  in  my  life  I  realized  what 
an  abominable  outrage  theft  was.  The 
thought  that  at  six  o'clock  in  the  even 
ing,  in  the  very  heart  of  a  great  city  like 
Boston,  an  inoffensive  citizen  could  be 
assaulted  and  robbed,  made  me  furious. 
I  did  n't  call  out.  I  simply  buttoned  my 
coat  tight  round  me  and  turned  and  ran 
after  the  fellow." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Edward  ! " 

Roberts:  "Yes,  I  did.  He  hadn't 
got  half  a  dozen  rods  away  —  it  all  took 
place  in  a  flash  —  and  I  could  easily  run 
him  down.  He  was  considerably  larger 
than  I—" 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "Oh!" 

Roberts :  "  —  and  he  looked  young 
and  very  athletic ;  but  these  things  did  n't 
seem  to  make  any  impression  on  me." 


14  THE   GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  I  wonder  that 
you  live  to  tell  the  tale,  Edward !  " 

Roberts:  "Well,  I  wonder  a  little  at 
myself.  I  don't  set  up  for  a  great  deal 
of—  " 

Jbfrs.  Roberts:  "But  I  always  knew 
you  had  it!  Go  on.  Oh,  when  I  tell 
Willis  of  this  !  Had  the  robber  any  ac 
complices  ?  Were  there  many  of  them  ?  " 

Roberts :  "  I  only  saw  one.  And  I 
saw  that  my  only  chance  was  to  take 
him  at  a  disadvantage.  I  sprang  upon 
him,  and  pulled  him  over  on  his  back. 
I  merely  said,  'I'll  trouble  you  for  that 
watch  of  mine,  if  you  please,'  jerked 
open  his  coat,  snatched  the  watch  from 
his  pocket  —  I  broke  the  chain,  I  see  — 
and  then  left  him  and  ran  again.  He 
did  n't  make  the  slightest  resistance,  nor 


THE   GARROTERS.  15 

utter  a  word.  Of  course  it  would  n't 
do  for  him  to  mnke  any  noise  about  it, 
and  I  dare  say  he  was  glad  to  get  off 
so  easily."  With  affected  nonchalance : 
"  I  'm  pretty  badly  rumpled,  I  see.  He 
fell  against  me,  and  a  scuffle  like  that 

O  ' 

does  n't  improve  one's  appearance." 

Mrs.  Jtoberts,  very  solemnly :  "  Ed 
ward  !  I  don't  know  what  to  say !  Of 
course  it  makes  my  blood  run  cold  to 
realize  what  youVe  been  through,  and  to 
think  what  might  have  happened ;  but  I 
think  you  behaved  splendidly*  Why, 
I  never  heard  of  such  perfect  heroism ! 
You  need  n't  tell  me  that  he  made  no 
resistance.  There  was  a  deadly  struggle 
—  your  necktie  and  everything  about 
you  shows  it.  And  you  need  n't  think 
there  was  only  one  of  them  —  " 


16  THE   CARROT ERS. 

Roberts,  modestly:  "I  don't  believe 
there  were  more." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  " Nonsense!  There 
are  always  two  !  I  've  read  the  accounts 
of  those  garrotings.  And  to  think  you 
not  only  got  out  of  their  clutches  alive, 
but  got  your  property  back  —  Willis's 
watch  !  Oh,  what  will  Willis  say  ?  But 
I  know  how  proud  of  you  he  '11  be.  Oh, 
I  wish  I  could  scream  it  from  the  house 
tops.  Why  did  n't  you  call  the  police  ?  " 

Roberts  :  "  I  did  n't  think  —  I  had  n't 
time  to  think." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  No  matter.  I  'm  glad 
you  have  all  the  glory  of  it.  I  don't 
believe  you  half  realize  what  you  've 
been  through  now.  And  perhaps  this 
was  the  robbers'  first  attempt,  and  it 
will  be  a  lesson  to  them.  Oh  yes  !  I  'in 


THE  .  GARRO  TERS.  \  7 

glad  you  let  them  escape,  Edward.  They 
may  have  families.  If  every  one  be 
haved  as  you  've  done,  there  would  soon 
be  an  end  of  garroting.  But,  oh  !  I  can't 
bear  to  think  of  the  danger  you've 
run.  And  I  want  you  to  promise  mo 
never,  never  to  undertake  such  a  thing 
again ! " 

Roberts:  "Well,  I  don't  know  —  " 
Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Yes,  yes ;  you  must ! 
Suppose  you  had  got  killed  in  that  aw 
ful  struggle  with  those  reckless  wretches 
tugging  to  get  away  from  you  f  Think 
of  the  children  !  Why,  you  might  have 
burst  a  blood-vessel !  Will  you  promise, 
Edward  ?  Promise  this  instant,  on  your 
bended  knees,  just  as  if  you  were  in  a 
court  of  justice ! "  Mrs.  Roberta's  ex 
citement  mounts,  and  she  flings  herself 


18  THE   GARROTERS. 

at  her  husband's  feet,  and  pulls  his  face 
down  to  hers  with  the  arm  she  has 
thrown  about  his  neck.  "Will  you 
promise  ?  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw,  entering  unobserved  : 
"  Promise  you  what,  Agnes  ?  The  man 
does  n't  smoke  now.  What  more  can  you 
ask  ?  *'  She  starts  back  from  the  spectacle 
of  Roberta's  disordered  dress.  "  Why, 
what 's  happened  to  you,  Edward  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts^  springing  to  her  feet : 
"  Oh,  you  may  well  ask  that,  Aunt  Mary ! 
Happened  ?  You  ought  to  fall  down  and 
worship  him !  And  you  will  when  you 
know  what  he 's  been  through.  He  's  been 
robbed ! " 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Robbed  ?  What  non 
sense  !  Who  robbed  him  ?  Where  was  he 
robbed?" 


THE   GARROTERS.  19 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  He  was  attacked  by 
two  garroters  —  " 

Roberts :  "  No,  no  —  " 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Don't  speak,  Edward ! 
I  know  there  were  two.  On  the  Common. 
Not  half  an  hour  ago.  As  he  was  going 
to  get  me  some  rosebuds.  In  the  midst 
of  this  terrible  storm." 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "Is  this  true,  Edward?" 

Mrs.  Roberts:  Don't  answer,  Edward  ! 
One  of  the  band  threw  his  arm  round 
Edward's  neck  —  so."  She  illustrates  by 
garroting  Mrs.  Crashaw,  wTho  disengages 
herself  with  difficulty. 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  " Mercy, child!  What 
are  you  doing  to  my  lace  ?  " 

Mrs.  Jftoberts :  "  And  the  other  one 
snatched  his  watch,  and  ran  as  fast  as 
he  could." 


20  THE   GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  Willis's  watch  ? 
Why,  he's  got  it  on." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  with  proud  delight : 
"  Exactly  what  I  said  when  he  told  me." 
Then,  very  solemnly :  "  And  do  you 
know  why  he 's  got  it  on  ?  —  'Sh,  Ed- 
ward !  I  will  tell !  Because  he  ran  after 
them  and  took  it  back  again." 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  Why,  they  might 
have  killed  him  !  " 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "  Of  course  they  might. 
But  Edward  did  n't  care.  The  idea  of 
being  robbed  at  six  o'clock  on  the  Com* 
mon  made  him  so  furious  that  he  scorned 
to  cry  out  for  help,  or  call  the  police,  or 
anything  ;  but  he  just  ran  after  them  — 

Roberts:  "Agnes!  Agnes!  There  was 
only  one." 

Mrs.  Roberts:   " Nonsense,  Edward! 


THE   GARROTERS.  21 

How  could  you  tell,  so  excited  as  you 
were? — And  caught  hold  of  the  largest  of 

o  o 

the  wretches — a  perfect  young  giant — 

Roberts :  "No,  no;  not  a  giant,  my 
dear." 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Well,  he  was  young, 
anyway  \  —  And  flung  him  on  the 
ground."  She  advances  upon  Mrs.  Cra- 
shaw  in  her  enthusiasm. 

Mrs.  Orashaw  :  "Don't  you  fling  me 
on  the  ground,  Agnes !  I  won't  have 
it." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  And  tore  his  coat 
open,  while  all  the  rest  were  tugging  at 
him,  and  snatched  his  watch,  and  then  — 
and  then  just  walked  coolly  away." 

Roberts :  "  lSro,  my  dear ;  I  ran  as  fast 
as  I  could." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "Well,  ran.    It  7s  quite 


22  THE   GARROTRRS. 

the  same  thing,  and  I  'm  just  as  proud 
of  you  as  if  you  had  walked.  Of  course 
you  were  not  going  to  throw  your  life 
away." 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  I  think  he  did  a  very 
silly  thing  in  going  after  them  at  all." 

Roberts :  "  Why,  of  course,  if  I  'd 
thought  twice  about  it,  I  should  n't  have 
done  it." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Of  course  you  would 
n't,  dear  !  And  that 's  what  I  want  him 
to  promise.  Aunt  Mary  :  never  to  do  it 
again,  no  matter  how  much  he  's  pro 
voked.  I  want  him  to  promise  it  right 
here  in  your  presence,  Aunt  Mary ! " 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  "I  think  it  's  much 
more  important  he  should  put  on  an 
other  collar  and  —  shirt,  if  he  9s  going  to 
see  company." 


THE   GARROTERS.  23 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Yes :  go  right  off  at 
once,  Edward.  How  you  do  think  of 
tilings,  Aunt  Mary !  I  really  suppose 
I  should  have  gone  on  all  night  and 
never  noticed  his  looks.  Run,  Edward, 
and  do  it,  dear.  But  —  kiss  me  first! 
Oh,  it  don't  seem  as  if  you  could  be 
alive  and  well  after  it  all !  Are  you 
sure  you  're  not  hurt  ?" 

Roberts,  embracing  her  :  "No ;  I  'm  all 
right." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  And  you  're  not  in 
jured  internally  ?  Sometimes  they  're 
injured  internally  —  aren't  they,  Aunt 
Mary?  —  and  it  does  n't  show  till  months 
afterward.  Are  you  sure  ?  " 

Roberts,  making  a  cursory  examina 
tion  of  his  ribs  with  his  hands :  "  Yes,  I 
think  so." 


24  THE  GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  And  you  don't  feel 
any  bad  effects  from  the  cologne,  now  f 
Just  think,  Aunt  Mary,  I  gave  him  co 
logne  to  drink,  and  poured  the  brandy 
on  his  head,  when  lie  came  in !  And  if 
I  've  poisoned  him  I  'in  quite  willing  to 
die  for  it.  Oh,  quite !  I  would  gladly 
take  the  blame  of  it  before  the  whole 
world." 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "Well,  for  pity's  sake, 
let  the  man  go  and  make  himself  decent. 
^  \/  There 's  your  bell,  now." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Yes,  do  go,  Edward. 
But  —  kiss  rne  —  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  <k  He  did  kiss  you, 
Agnes.  Don't  be  a  simpleton  ! " 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Did  he  ?  Well,  kiss 
me  again,  then,  Edward.  And  now  do 
go,  dear.  M-m-m-m."  The  inarticulate 


THE   GARROTERS.  25 

endearments  represented  by  these  signs 
terminate  in  a  wild  embrace,  protracted 
half-way  across  the  room,  in  the  height 
of  which  Mr.  Willis  Campbell  enters. 

Willis,  pausing  in  contemplation  : 
"Hello!  What's  the  matter?  What's 
she  trying  to  get  out  of  you,  Rob 
erts?  Don't  you  do  it,  anyway,  old 
fellow." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  in  an  ecstasy  of  satisfac 
tion:  "Willis!  Oh,  you've  come  in  time 
to  see  him  just  as  he  is.  Look  at  him, 
Willis ! "  In  the  excess  of  her  emotion 
she  twitches  her  husband  about,  and  with 
his  arm  fast  m  her  clutch,  presents  him 
in  the  disadvantageous  effect  of  having 
just  been  taken  into  custody.  Under 
these  circumstances  Roberts's  attempt  at 
an  expression  of  diffident  heroism  fails ; 


26  THE  CARROT ERS. 

lie  looks  sneaking,  be  looks  guilty,  and 
his  eyes  fall  under  the  astonished  regard 
of  his  brother-in-law. 

Willis  :     "  What 's   the   matter  with 
him  ?     What 's  he  been  doing  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  « 'Sh,  Edward !  —What's 
he  been  doing?    What  does  he  look  as 

o 

if  he  had  been  doing  ?  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw :     "  Agnes  —  " 
Willis :    "  He  looks  as  if  he  had  been 

signing   the   pledge.     And   he  —  smells 

like  it." 

Mrs.  Roberts :     "  For  shame,  Willis ! 

I  should  think  you  'd  sink  through  the 

floor.      Edward,   not   a   word!      I   am 

ashamed  of  him,  if  he  is  my  brother." 
Willis:  "  Why,  what  in  the  world's 

up,  Agnes  ?  " 

Mrs.    Roberts:      "Up?      He's    been 


THE  GARROTERS.  '27 

robbed f  —  robbed  on  the  Common,  not 
five  minutes  ago !  A  whole  gang  of  gar- 
roters  surrounded  him  under  the  Old 
Elm  —  or  just  where  it  used  to  be  — 
and  took  his  watch  away!  And  he  ran 
after  them,  and  knocked  the  largest  of 
the  gang  down,  and  took  it  back  again. 
He  wasn't  hurt,  but  we're  afraid  he's 
been  injured  internally;  he  may  be 
bleeding  internally,  now  —  Oh,  do  you 
think  he  is,  Willis?  Don't  you  think 
we  ought  to  send  for  a  physician?  — 
That,  and  the  cologne  I  gave  him  to 
drink.  It  's  the  brandy  I  poured  on  his 
head  makes  him  smell  so.  And  he  all  so 
exhausted  he  could  n't  speak,  and  I  did  n't 
know  what  I  was  doing,  either ;  but  he 's 
promised  —  oh  yes,  he 's  promised !  — 
never,  never  to  do  it  again."  She  again 


28  THE   GARROTERS. 

flings  her  arms  about  her  husband,  and 
then  turns  proudly  to  her  brother. 

'Willis :  "  Do  you  know  what  it 
means,  Aunt  Mary  ?  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Not  in  the  least ! 
But  I  've  no  doubt  that  Edward  can  ex 
plain,  after  he 's  changed  his  linen  —  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  yes,  do  go,  Ed 
ward  !  Not  but  what  I  should  be  proud 
and  happy  to  have  you  appear  just  as 
you  are  before  the  whole  world,  if  it 
was  only  to  put  Willis  down  with  his 
jokes  about  your  absent-mindedness, 
and  his  boasts  about  those  California 
desperadoes  of  his," 

Roberts :  "  Come,  come,  Agnes  t  I 
must  protest  against  your  — " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  I  know  it  does  n't 
become  me  to  praise  your  courage,  dar- 


THE   GARROTERS.  29 

ling !  But  I  should  like  to  know  what 
Willis  would  have  done,  with  all  his 
California  experience,  if  a  garroter  had 
taken  his  watch  ?  " 

Willis :  "  I  should  have  let  him  keep 
it,  and  pay  five  dollars  a  quarter  himself 
for  getting  it  cleaned  and  spoiled.  Any 
body  but  a  literary  man  would.  How 
many  of  them  were  there,  Roberts  ?  " 

Roberts :  "  I  only  saw  one." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  But  of  course  there 
were  more.  How  could  he  tell,  in  the 
dark  and  excitement  ?  And  the  one  he 
did  see  was  a  perfect  giant ;  so  you  can 
imagine  what  the  rest  must  have  been 
like." 

Willis :  "  Did  yon  really  knock  him 
down  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Knock  him  down  ? 
Of  course  he  did." 


30  THE   GARROTRRS. 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "Agnes,  will  you  liold 
your  tongue,  and  let  the  men  alone?" 

Mrs.  Roberts,  whimpering  :  "  I  can't, 
Aunt  Mary.  And  you  could  n't,  if  it 
was  yours." 

Roberts :  "  I  pulled  him  over  back 
wards." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  «  There,  Willis  !  " 

Willis :  "  And  grabbed  your  watch 
from  him  ?  " 

Roberts:  "  I  was  in  quite  a  frenzy;  I 
really  hardly  knew  what  I  was  doing —  " 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "And  he  didn't  call 
for  the  police,  or  anything —  " 

Willis :  u  Ah,  that  showed  presence 
of  mind  !  He  knew  it  would  n't  have 
been  any  use." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  And  when  he  had  got 
his  watch  away  from  them,  he  just  let 


THE   GARROTERS.  31 

them  go,  because  they  had  families  de 
pendent  on  them." 

Willis :  "  I  should  have  let  them  go 
in  the  first  place ;  but  you  behaved  hand 
somely  in  the  end,  Roberts,  there 's  no 
denying  that.  And  when  you  came  in 
she  gave  you  cologne  to  drink,  and 
poured  brandy  on  your  head.  It  must 
have  revived  you.  I  should  think  it 
would  wake  the  dead." 

JMrs.  Roberts :  "  I  was  all  excitement, 
Willis  —  " 

Willis:  "No,  I  should  think  from  the 
fact  that  you  had  set  the  decanter  here 
on  the  hearth,  and  put  your  cologne  into 
the  wood-box,  you  were  perfectly  calm, 
Agnes."  He  takes  them  up  and  hands 
them  to  her.  "  Quite  as  calm  as  usual." 
The  door-bell  rings. 


32  THE   GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Willis,  will  you  let 

that  ridiculous  man  go  away  and  make 

himself  presentable  before  people  begin 

to  come  ? "  yfFhe  bell   rings  violently, 

^j^  peal  upon  peal. 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  my  goodness, 
what 's  that  ?  It 's  the  garroters  —  I  know 
it  is  ;  and  we  shall  all  be  murdered  in 
our  beds !  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  What  in  the  world 
can  it  —  " 

'Willis:  "Why  don't  your  girl  an 
swer  the  bell,  Agnes?  Or  I'll  go,  my- 
^t^self."  The  bell  rings  violently  again. 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "JVfy  Willis,  you 
sha'  n't !  Don't  leave  me,  Edward  !  Aunt 
Mary !  —  Oh,  if  we  must  die,  let  us  all 
die  together !  Oh,  my  poor  children ! 
Ugh!  What's  that?"  Tire - 


THE   GARROTERS.  33 

maid  opens  the  outer  door,  and  uttering 
a  shriek,-  cashes  in-through  ihe  dmwi«g- 
roorn  portiere. 

Bella,  the  Maid  :  "  ^^^ui 


Mrs.  Eoberts,-it  's  Mr.  Bemra  !  " 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  WhidrMfs»£kmre  ?  " 
Roberts:   "  What  ?o  i  tbo  matter  with 


's.   Crashaw  :     "Why    doesn't  she 


Willis  :  "Has  Ae  been  garroting  some 
body  too?" 

Mr.  Bemis,  appearing  through  the 
portiere:  "I  —  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mrs. 
Roberts.  I  ought  n't  to  present  myself 
in  tbis  state  —  I  —  But  I  thought  I  'd 
better  stop  on  my  way  home  and  report, 
so  that  my  son  need  n't  be  alarmed  at 
my  absence  when  he  comes.  I  —  "  He 


34  THE   GARROTERS. 

stops,  exhausted,  and  regards  the  others 
with  a  wild  stare,  while  they  stand  tak 
ing  note  of  his  disordered  coat,  his  torn 
vest,  and  his  tumbled  hat.  "I've  just 
been  robbed  —  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  «  Robbed  ?  Why,  Ed 
ward  has  been  robbed  too." 

jBemis:  " —  coming  through  the  Com 
mon  —  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Yes,  Edward  \v«s 
coming  through  the  Common." 

o  o 

Bern  is :  "  —  of  my  watch  — 
Mrs.  Roberts,  in  rapturous  admiration 
of  the  coincidence  :  "  Oh,  and  it  was  Ed 
ward's  watch  they  took  ! " 

Willis  :  "  It  's  a  parallel  case,  Agnes. 
Pour  him  out  a  glass  of  cologne  to 
drink,  and  rub  his  head  with  brandy. 
And  you  might  let  him  sit  down  and 


"TVK   JUST    HKKX    ROKKKI)  !  " 


THE   GARROTERS.  35 

rest  while  you  're  enjoying  the  excite 
ment." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  in  hospitable  remorse  : 
"  Oh,  what  am  I  thinking  of !  Here, 
Edward  —  or  no,  you  're  too  weak,  you 
must  n't.  Willis,  you  help  me  to  help 
him  to  the  sofa." 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  I  think  you  VI  better 
help  him  off  with  his  overcoat  and  his 
arctics."  To  the  maid  :  "  Here,  Bella,  if 
you  have  n't  quite  taken  leave  of  your 
wits,  undo  his  shoes." 

Roberts:  "I  "II  help  him  off  with  his 
coat  —  " 

Bemis :  "  Careful !  careful !  I  may  be 
injured  internally." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  if  you  only  were, 
Mr.  Bemis,  perhaps  I  could  persuade 
Edward  that  he  was  too  :  I  Jcnovi  he  is. 


36  THE   GARROTERS. 

Edward,  don't  exert  yourself!  Aunt 
Mary,  will  you  stop  him,  or  do  you  all 
wish  to  see  me  go  distracted  here  before 
your  eyes  ? " 

Willis,  examining  the  overcoat  which 
Roberts  has  removed  :  "  Well,  you  won't 
have  much  trouble  buttoning  and  unbut 
toning  this  coat  for  the  present." 

Mr.  Jlemis :  "  They  tore  it  open,  and 
tore  my  watch  from  my  vest  pocket  —  " 

Willis,  looking  at  the  vest :  "  I  see. 
Pretty  lively  work.  Were  there  many 
of  them?" 

Bemis :  "  There  must  have  been  two, 
at  least  —  " 

Mrs.  ^Roberts:  "There  were  half  a 
dozen  in  the  gang  that  attacked  Edward." 

Bemis  :  "  One  of  them  pulled  rne  vio 
lently  over  on  my  back  —  " 


THE   GARROTERS.  37 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Edward's  put  his  arm 
round  his  neck  and  choked  him." 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Agnes  ! " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  I  know  he  did,  Aunt 
Mary." 

J3emis :  "  And  the  other  tore  my  watch 
out  of  my  pocket." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  JEdwarcTs  —  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  " Agnes,  I  'm  thor 
oughly  ashamed  of  you.  Will  you  stop 
interrupting  ?  " 

Semis:  "And  left  me  lying  in  the 
snow." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "  And  then  he  ran  after 
them,  and  snatched  his  watch  away 
again  in  spite  of  them  all ;  and  he  did  n't 
call  for  the  police,  or  anything,  because 
it  was  their  first  offence,  and  he  could  n't 
bear  to  think  of  their  suffering  families." 


38  THE   GARROTERS. 

J3emis,  with  a  stare  of  profound  aston 
ishment:  "Who?" 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Edward.  Did  n't  I 
say  Edward,  all  the  time?" 

Bemis :  "  I  thought  you  meant  me.  I 
did  n't  think  of  pursuing  them  ;  but  you 
may  be  very  sure  that  if  there  had  been 
a  policeman  within  call  —  of  course 
there  wasn't  one  within  cannon-shot  — 
I  should  have  handed  the  scoundrels 
over  without  the  slightest  remorse." 

Roberts :    "  Oh  !  "     He    sinks    into    a 
chair  with  a  slight  groan. 
Willis:  "What  is  it?" 

Roberts :  "  JSh  !  Don't  say  anything. 
But  —  stay  here.  I  want  to  speak  with 
you,  Willis." 

Bemis,  with  mounting  wrath :  "  I 
should  not  have  hesitated  an  instant  to 


THE   GARROTERS.  39 

give  the  rascal  in  charge,  no  matter  who 

O  ~      ' 

was  dependent  upon  him  —  no  matter 
if  he  were  my  clearest  friend,  my  own 
brother." 

Roberts,  under  his  breath  :  "  Gracious 
powers !  '5 

IZemis:  "  And  while  I  am  very  sorry 
to  disagree  with  Mr.  Roberts,  I  can't 
help  feeling  that  he  made  a  great  mis 
take  in  allowing  the  ruffians  to  escape." 

Mrs.  Crashaiv,  with  severity :  "  I 
think  you  are  quite  right,  Mr.  Bernis." 

JBemis :  "  Probably  it  was  the  same 
gang  attacked  us  both.  After  escap 
ing  from  Mr.  Roberts  they  fell  upon 
me." 

Mrs.  Or  as  haw :  "  I  have  n't  a  doubt 
of  it," 

Roberts,  sotto  voce  to  his  brother-in- 


40  THE   GARROTERS. 

law :  "  I  think  I  '11  ask  you  to  go  with  me 
to  my  room,  Willis.  Don't  alarm  Agnes, 
please.  I  —  I  feel  quite  faint." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  crest-fallen :  "  I  can't 
feel  that  Edward  was  to  blame.  Ed  — 
Oh,  I  suppose  he 's  gone  off  to  make 
himself  presentable.  But  Willis  — - 
Where 's  Willis,  Aunt  Mary  ?  " 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Probably  gone  with 
him  to  help  him." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  he  saw  how  un 
strung  poor  Edward  was  !  Mr.  Bemis, 
I  think  you  're  quite  prejudiced.  How 
could  Edward  help  their  escaping?  I 
think  it  was  quite  enough  for  him, 
single-handed,  to  get  his  watch  back." 
A  ring  at  the  door,  and  then  a  number 
of  voices  in  the  anteroom.  "I  do 
believe  they  're  all  there  !  I  '11  just  run 


THE    GARROTERS.  41 

out  and  prepare  your  son.  He  would 
be  dreadfully  shocked  if  he  came  right 
in  upon  you."  She  runs  into  the  ante 
room,  and  is  heard  without :  "  Oh,  Dr. 
Lawton  !  Oh,  Lou,  dear  !  OA,  Mr. 
Bemis  !  How  can  I  ever  tell  you  ? 
Your  poor  father  !  No,  no,  I  can't 
tell  you!  You  mustn't  ask  me!  It's 
too  hideous  !  And  you  would  n't  believe 
me  if  I  did." 

Chorus  of  anguished  voices  :  "  What? 
what?  what?" 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  They've  been  robbed  ! 
Garroted  on  the  Common !  And,  oA, 
Dr.  Lawton,  I  'm  so  glad  you  've  come  ! 
They're  both  injured  internally,  but  I 
wish  you'd  look  at  Edward  first." 

Bemis :  "  Good  heavens  !  Is  that 
Mrs.  Roberta's  idea  of  preparing  my 


42  THE   GARROTERS. 

son  ?  And  his  poor  young  wife !  "  He 
addresses  his  demand  to  Mrs.  Cra- 
shaw,  who  lifts  the  hands  of  impotent 
despair. 


II. 

Ix  Mr.  Roberta's  dressing-room,  that 
gentleman  is  discovered  tragically  con 
fronting  Mr.  Willis  Campbell,  with  a 
watch  uplifted  in  either  hand. 

Willis  :  «  Well  ?  " 

Roberts,  gasping :  "  My  —  my  watch !  " 

Willis :  "  Yes.  How  conies  there  to 
be  two  of  it  ?  " 

Roberts  :  "  Don't  you  understand  ? 
When  I  went  out  I  —  did  n't  take  my 
watch  —  with  me.  I  left  it  here  on  my 
bureau." 

Willis:  "Well?" 


44  THE   GARROTERS. 

Roberts  :  "  Oh,  merciful  heavens  ! 
don't  you  see  ?  Then  I  could  n't  have 
been  robbed !  " 

Willis :  "  Well,  but  whose  watch  did 
you  take  from  the  fellow  that  did  ri't  rob 
you,  then  ?  " 

Roberts :  "  His  own  !  "  He  abandons 
himself  powerlessly  upon  a  chair.  "  Yes  : 
I  left  my  own  watcli  here,  and  when 
that  person  brushed  against  me  in  the 
Common,  I  missed  it  for  the  first  time. 
I  supposed  he  had  robbed  me,  and  ran 
after  him,  and  —  " 

Willis  :  "  Robbed  him  !  " 

Roberts:  "Yes." 

Willis:  "Ah,  ha,  ha,  ha!  I,  hi,  hi, 
hi!  O,  ho,  ho,  ho!"  He  yields  to  a 
series  of  these  gusts  and  paroxysms, 
bowing  up  and  down,  and  stamping  to 


THE   GARROTERS.  45 

and  fro,  and  finally  sits  down  exhausted, 
and  wipes  the  tears  from  bis  cheeks. 
"  Really,  this  thing  will  kill  me.  What 
are  you  going  to  do  about  it,  Roberts  ?  " 

Roberts,  with  profound  dejection  and 
abysmal  solemnity  :  "  I  don't  know, 
Willis,  Don't  you  see  that  it  must  have 
been  —  that  I  must  have  robbed  —  Mr. 
Bemis  ?  " 

Willis  :  "  Bemis  ! "  After  a  moment 
for  tasting  the  fact.  "  Why,  so  it  was  ! 
Oh,  Lord  !  oh,  Lord  !  And  was  poor  old 
Bemis  that  burly  ruffian  ?  that  blood 
thirsty  gang  of  giants  ?  that  —  that  — 
oh,  Lord  !  oh,  Lord  ! "  He  bows  his 
head  upon  his  chair-back  in  complete 
exhaustion,  demanding,  feebly,  as  he 
gets  breath  for  the  successive  questions, 
"  What  are  you  going  to  d-o-o-o  ?  What 


46  THE   CARROT ERS. 

shall  you  s-a-a-a-y  ?  How  can  you  ex- 
pla-a-ain  it  ?  " 

Roberts:  "I  can  do  nothing.  I  can 
say  nothing.  I  can  never  explain  it.  I 
must  go  to  Mr.  Bernis  and  make  a  clean 
breast  of  it ;  but  think  of  the  absurdity 
—  the  ridicule  !  " 

WilliS)  after  a  thoughtful  silence : 
"  Oh,  it  is  n't  that  you  Ve  got  to  think 
of.  You  've  got  to  think  of  the  old 
gentleman's  sense  of  injury  and  outrage. 
Didn't  you  hear  what  he  said  —  that 
he  would  have  handed  over  his  dearest 
friend,  his  own  brother,  to  the  police  ?  " 

Rober'v :  "But  that  was  in  the  sup 
position  that  his  dearest  friend,  his  own 
brother,  had  intentionally  robbed  him. 
You  can't  imagine,  Willis  —  " 

Willis:  "Oh,  I  can  imagine  a  great 


THE   GARROTERS.  47 

many  things.  It  's  all  well  enough  for 
you  to  say  that  the  robbery  was  a  mis 
take  ;  but  it  was  a  genuine  case  of  gar- 
roting,  as  far  as  the  assault  and  taking 
the  watch  go.  He  's  a  very  pudgicky  old 
gentleman." 

Roberts:  "He  is!" 

Willis :  "  And  I  don't  see  how  you  're 
going  to  satisfy  him  that  it  was  all  a 
joke.  Joke  ?  It  was  n't  a  joke  !  It  was 
a  real  assault  and  a  bona  fide  robbery, 
and  Bemis  can  prove  it." 

Roberts:  "But  he  would  never  in 
sist  —  " 

Willis :  "  Oh,  I  don't  know  about 
that.  He  's  pretty  queer,  Bemis  is.  You 
can't  say  what  an  old  gentleman  like 
that  will  or  won't  do.  If  he  should 
choose  to  carry  it  into  court  — 


48  THE   GARROTERS. 

Roberts:  "Court!" 

Willis :  "  —  it  might  be  embarrassing. 
And  anyway  it  would  have  a  very  strange 
look  in  the  papers." 

Roberts :  "  The  papers !  Good  gra 
cious  ! " 

Willis :  "  Ten  years  from  now,  a  man 
that  heard  you  mentioned  would  forget 
all  about  the  acquittal,  and  say  :  '  Rob 
erts?  Oh  yes!  Wasn't  he  the  one 
they  sent  to  the  House  of  Correction  for 
garroting  an  old  friend  of  his  on  the 
Common  ? '  You  see  it  would  n't  do  to 
go  and  make  a  clean  breast  of  it  to 
Bemis." 

Roberts :  il  I  see." 

Willis  :  "  What  will  you  do  ?  " 

Roberts:  "I  must  never  say  anything 
to  him  about  it.  Just  let  it  go." 


THE   GARROTERS.  49 

Willis :  "  And  keep  his  watch  ?  I 
don't  see  how  you  could  manage  that. 
What  would  you  do  with  the  watch? 
You  might  sell  it,  of  course  —  " 

Roberts :  "  Oh  no  ;  I  couldn't  do  that." 

Willis :  "  You  might  give  it  away  to 
some  deserving  person ;  but  if  it  got  him 
into  trouble  — 

Roberts  :  "  No,  no  ;  that  would  n't  do, 
either." 

Willis  :  "  And  you  can't  have  it  lying 
around ;  Agnes  would  be  sure  to  find  it, 
sooner  or  later." 

Roberts :.  «  Yes." 

Willis  :  "  Besides,  there  's  your  con 
science.  Your  conscience  would  n't  let 
you  keep  Bemis's  watch  away  from  him. 
And  if  it  would,  what  do  you  suppose 
Agnes's  conscience  would  do  when  she 


50  THE   GARROTERS. 

came  to  find  it  out  ?  Agnes  has  n't  got 
much  of  a  head  —  the  want  of  it  seems 
to  grow  upon  her  \  but  she  's  got  a  con 
science  as  big  as  the  side  of  a  house." 

Roberts  :  "  Oh,  I  see,  I  see." 

Willis,  coming  up,  and  standing  over 
him,  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets  :  "  I 
tell  you  what,  Roberts,  you  're  in  a 
box." 

Roberts,  abjectly :  "  I  know  it,  Willis  ; 
I  know  it.  What  do  you  suggest  ?  You 
must  know  some  way  out  of  it." 

Willis  :  "  It  is  n't  a  simple  matter  like 
telling  them  to  start  the  elevator  down 
when  they  could  n't  start  her  up.  I  Ve 
got  to  think  it  over."  He  walks  to  and 
fro,  Roberts's  eyes  helplessly  following 
his  movements.  "  How  would  it  do  to  — 
No,  that  would  n't  do,  either." 


THE   GARROTERS.  51 

Roberts  :   "  What  would  n't  ?  " 

Willis  :  "  Nothing.  I  was  just  think 
ing —  I  say,  you  might—  Or,  no,  you 
could  n't." 

Roberts  :  "  Could  n't  what  ?  " 

"Willis  :  "  Nothing.  But  if  you  were 
to  —  No ;  up  a  stump  that  way  too." 

Roberts:  "Which  way?  For  mercy's 
sake,  my  dear  fellow,  don't  seem  to  get 
a  clew  if  you  have  n't  it.  It  's  more  than 
I  can  bear."  He  rises  and  desperately 
confronts  Willis  in  his  promenade.  "  If 
you  see  any  hope  at  all —  " 

Willis,  stopping  :  "  Why,  if  you  were 
a  different  sort  of  fellow,  Roberts,  the 
thing  would  be  perfectly  easy." 

Roberts  :  "  Very  well,  then.  What 
sort  of  fellow  do  you  want  me  to  be? 
I  '11  be  any  sort  of  fellow  you  like." 


52  THE   GARROTERS. 

Willis :  "  Oh,  but  you  could  n't !  With 
that  face  of  yours,  and  that  confounded 
conscience  of  yours  behind  it,  you  would 
give  away  the  whitest  lie  that  was  ever 
told." 

^Roberts :  "  Do  you  wish  me  to  lie  ? 
Very  well,  then,  I  will  lie.  What  is  the 
lie  ?  " 

Willis :  "  Ah,  now  you  're  talking  like 
a  man  !  I  can  soon  think  up  a  lie,  if 
you're  game  for  it.  Suppose  it  wasn't 
so  very  white  ?  Say  a  delicate  blond  ?" 

Roberts  :  "  I  should  n't  care  if  it  were 
as  black  as  the  ace  of  spades." 

Willis:  "Roberts,  I  honor  you!  It 
is  n't  everybody  who  could  steal  an  old 
gentleman's  watch,  and  then  be  so  ready 
to  lie  out  of  it.  Well,  yon  have  got  cour 
age —  both  kinds  —  moral  and  physical. " 


THE   GARROTERS.  53 

Roberts:  "Thank  you,  Willis.  Of 
course  I  don't  pretend  that  I  should  be 
willing  to  lie,  under  ordinary  circum 
stances.  But  for  the  sake  of  Agnes  and 
the  children  —  I  don't  want  any  awk 
wardness  about  the  matter ;  it  would  be 
the  death  of  me.  Well,  what  do  you  wish 
me  to  say  ?  Be  quick ;  I  don't  believe 
I  could  hold  out  for  a  great  while.  I 
don't  suppose  but  what  Mr.  Bemis  would 
be  reasonable  even  if  I  —  " 

'Willis :  "  I  'm  afraid  we  could  n't  trust 
him.  The  only  way  is  for  you  to  take 
the  bull  by  the  horns." 

Roberts:  "Yes?" 

Willis  :  ((  You  will  not  only  have  to 
lie,  Roberts,  but  you  will  have  to  wear 
an  air  of  innocent  candor  at  the  same 
time." 


54  THE   GARROTERS. 

Roberts :  "I  —  I  'in  afraid  I  could  n't 
manage  that.  What  is  your  idea  ?  " 

Willis  :  "  Oh,  just  come  into  the  room 
with  a  laugh,  when  we  go  back,  and 
say  in  an  off-hand  way:  <By-the-way, 
Agnes,  Willis  and  I  made  a  remarkable 
discovery  in  my  dressing-room.  We 
found  my  watch  there  on  the  bureau. 
Ha,  ha,  ha  ! '  Do  you  think  you  could 
doit?" 

Roberts:  "  I  —  I  don't  know." 

Witt-is  :  "  Try  the  laugh  now." 

Roberts :  "  I  M  rather  not —  now." 

Willis  :  "Well,  try  it,  anyway." 

Roberts:  "Ha!  ha!  ha!" 

Willis  :  "  Once  more." 

Roberts:  "Ha!  ha!  ha!" 

Willis :  "  Pretty  ghastly.  But  I  guess 
you  can  come  it." 


THE   GARROTERS.  55 

Roberts  :  "  I  '11  try.    And  then  what  ?  " 

Willis:  "And  then  you  say  :  'I  had  n't 
put  it  on  when  I  went  out,  and  when  I 
got  after  that  fellow  and  took  it  back, 
I  was  simply  getting  somebody  else's 
watch.'  Then  you  hold  out  both  watches 
to  her,  and  laugh  again.  Everybody 
laughs,  and  crowds  round  you  to  ex 
amine  the  watches,  and  you  make  fun 
and  crack  jokes  at  your  own  expense  all 
the  time,  and  pretty  soon  old  Bemis  says  : 
'  Why,  this  is  my  watch,  now  ! '  and  you 
laugh  more  than  ever  — 

Roberts :  "  I  'm  afraid  I  could  n't  laugh 
when  he  said  that.  I  don't  believe  I 
could  laugh.  It  would  make  my  blood 
run  cold." 

Willis :  "  Oh  no,  it  would  n't.  You  'd 
be  in  the  spirit  of  it  by  that  time." 


56  THE   GARROTERS. 

Roberts :  "  Do  you  think  so  ?  Well  ?  " 

Willis :  "  And  then  you  say :  '  Well, 
this  is  the  most  remarkable  coincidence 
I  ever  heard  of.  I  did  n't  get  my  own 
watch  from  the  fellow,  but  I  got  yours, 
Mr.  Bemis,'  and  then  you  hand  it  over 
to  him,  and  say,  i  Sorry  I  had  to  break 
the  chain  in  getting  it  from  him,'  and 
then  everybody  laughs  again,  and  —  and 
that  ends  it." 

JRoberts,  with  a  profound  sigh :  "  Do 
you  think  that  would  end  it?" 

Willis:  "Why,  certainly.  It'll  put 
old  Bemis  in  the  wrong,  don't  you  see? 
It'll  show  that  instead  of  letting  the 
fellow  escape  to  go  and  rob  him,  you 
attacked  him  and  took  Bemis's  property 
back  from  him  yourself.  Bemis  would 
n't  have  a  word  to  say.  All  you've  got 


THE   GARROTERS.  f)7 

to  do  is  to  keep  up  a  light,  confident 
manner." 

Roberts  :  "  But  what  if  it  should  n't 
put  Bemis  in  the  wrong?  What  if  he 
should  n't  say  or  do  anything  that  we  've 
counted  upon,  but  something  altogether 
different?" 

Willis:  "Well,  then,  you  must  trust 
to  inspiration,  and  adapt  yourself  to  cir 
cumstances." 

Roberts :  "  Would  n't  it  be  rather 
more  of  a  joke  to  come  out  with  the 
facts  at  once?" 

Willis :  "  On  you  it  would.  And  a 
year  from  now  —  say  next  Christmas  — 
you  could  get  the  laugh  on  Bemis,  that 
way.  But  if  you  were  to  risk  it  now, 
there 's  no  telling  how  he  'd  take  it. 
He 's  so  indignant  he  might  insist  upon 


58  THE   GARROTERS. 

leaving  the  house.     But  with  this  plan 
of  mine  —  " 

Roberts,  in  despair :  "  I  could  n't, 
Willis.  I  don't  feel  light,  and  I  don't 
feel  confident ;  and  I  could  n't  act  it. 
If  it  were  a  simple  lie  — " 

Willis  :  "  Oh,  lies  are  never  simple. 
They  require  the  exercise  of  all  your  in 
genuity.  If  you  want  something  simple, 
you  must  stick  to  the  truth,  and  throw 
yourself  on  Bemis's  mercy." 

Roberts,  walking  up  and  down  in 
great  distress  :  "  I  can't  do  it ;  I  can't 
do  it.  It's  very  kind  of  you  to  think 
it  all  out  for  me ;  but "  —  struck  by  a 
sudden  idea  —  "  Willis,  why  should  n't 
you  do  it?" 

Willis:  "I?" 

Roberts:     "You're    good    at    those 


THE  GARROTERS.  59 

things.  You  have  so  much  aplomb,  you 
know.  You  could  carry  it  off,  you 
know,  first-rate." 

Willis,  as  if  finding  a  certain  fasci 
nation  in  the  idea :  "  Well,  I  don't 
know—" 

Roberts :  "  And  I  could  chime  in  on 
the  laugh.  I  think  I  could  do  that,  if 
somebody  else  was  doing  the  rest." 

Willis,  after  a  moment  of  silent  reflec 
tion  :  "I  should  like  to  do  it.  I  should 
like  to  see  how  old  Bemis  would  look 
when  I  played  it  on  him.  Roberts!  I 
will  do  it.  Not  a  word  !  I  should  like 
to  do  it.  Now  you  go  on  and  hurry 
up  your  toilet,  old  fellow ;  you  need 
n't  mind  me  here.  I  '11  be  rehears 
ing." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  knocking  at  the  door, 


60  THE   CARROT ERS. 

outside:  "Edward,  are  you  never  corn- 
ing?" 

Roberts  :  "  Yes,  yes ;  I  '11  be  there  in 
a  minute,  my  dear." 

Willis:  "  Yes,  he  '11  be  there.  Run 
along  back,  and  keep  it  going  till  we 
come.  Roberts,  I  would  n't  take  a  thou 
sand  dollars  for  this  chance." 

Roberts :  "  I  'm  glad  you  like  it." 

Willis:  "Like  it?  Of  course  I  do. 
Or,  no !  Hold  on !  Walt !  It  won't 
do!  No;  you  must  take  the  leading 
part,  and  I'll  support  you,  and  I'll  come 
in  strong  if  you  break  down.  That's 
the  way  we  have  got  to  work  it.  You 
must  make  the  start." 

Roberts  :  "  Could  n't  you  make  it  bet 
ter,  Willis  ?  It 's  your  idea." 

Willis :    "  No  ;    they  'd    be    sure    to 


THE   GARROTERS.  61 

suspect  me,  and  they  can't  suspect  you 
of  anything  —  you  Ve  so  innocent.  The 
illusion  will  be  complete  !  " 

Roberts,  very  doubtfully :  "  Do  you 
think  so  ?  " 

Willis:  "Yes.  Hurry  up.  Let  me 
unbutton  that  collar  for  you." 


III. 

MRS.  ROBERTS,  surrounded  by  her 
guests,  and  confronting-  from  her  sofa 
Mr.  Bemis,  who  still  remains  sunken  in 
his  arm-chair,  has  apparently  closed  an 
exhaustive  recital  of  the  events  which 
have  ended  in  his  presence  there.  She 
looks  round  with  a  mixed  air  of  self- 
denial  and  self-satisfaction  to  read  the 
admiration  of  her  listeners  in  their  sym 
pathetic  countenances. 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "  Wasn't  it  awful  ?" 
Dr.  Lawton,  with  an  ironical  sigh  of 
profound  impression :  "  Well,  Mrs.  Rob 
erts,  you  are  certainly  the  most  lavishly 


THE   GARROTERS.  63 

hospitable  of  hostesses.  Every  one 
knows  what  delightful  dinners  you  give ; 
but  these  little  dramatic  episodes  which 
you  offer  your  guests,  by  way  of  appe 
tizer,  are  certainly  unique.  Last  year 
an  elevator  stuck  in  the  shaft  with  half 
the  company  in  it,  and  this  year  a  high 
way  robbery,  its  daring  punishment  and 
its  reckless  repetition  —  what  the  news 
papers  will  call  CA  Triple  Mystery'  when 
it  gets  to  them  —  and  both  victims 
among  our  commensals  !  Really,  I  don't 
know  what  more  we  could  ask  of  you, 
unless  it  were  the  foot-padded  foot-pad 
himself  as  a  commensal.  If  this  sort 
of  thing  should  become  de  rigueur  in 
society  generally,  I  don't  know  what's 
to  become  of  people  who  have  n't  your 
invention." 


64  THE  GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  it 's  all  very  well 
to  make  fun,  now,  Dr.  Lawton ;  but  if  you 
had  been  here  when  they  first  came  in  — " 

Young  Mrs.  Semis:  "Yes,  indeed,  I 
th'nk  so  too,  Mrs.  Roberts.  If  Mr.  Be- 
mis  —  Alfred,  I  mean  —  and  papa  had  n't 
been  with  me  when  you  came  out  there 
to  prepare  us,  I  don't  know  what  I  should 
have  done.  I  should  certainly  have  died, 
or  gone  through  the  floor."  She  looks 
fondly  tip  into  the  face  of  her  husband 
for  approval,  where  he  stands  behind  her 
chair,  and  furtively  gives  him  her  hand 
for  pressure. 

Young  Mr.  JBemis :  "  Somebody  ought 
to  write  to  the  Curwens  —  Mrs.  Curwen, 
that  is  —  about  it." 

Mrs.  Bemis,  taking  away  her  hand : 
"  Oh,  yes,  papa,  do  write  1 " 


"SHE  LOOKS  FONDLY  UP  INTO  THE  FACE  OF  HER  HUSBAND 
FOR  APPROVAL." 


THE   GARROTERS.  65 

Lawton:  "I  will,  my  dear.  Even 
Mrs.  Curwen,  dazzling  away  in  another 
sphere  —  hemisphere  —  and  surrounded 
by  cardinals  and  all  the  other  celestial 
lights  there  at  Home,  will  be  proud  to 
exploit  this  new  evidence  of  American 
enterprise.  I  can  fancy  the  effect  she 
will  produce  with  it." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "And  the  Millers  — 
what  a  shame  they  could  n't  come ! 
How  excited  they  would  have  been !  — 
that  is,  Mrs.  Miller.  Is  their  baby  very 
bad,  Doctor?" 

Lawton :  "  Well,  vaccination  is  always 
a  very  serious  thing  —  with  a  first  child. 
I  should  say,  from  the  way  Mrs.  Miller 
feels  about  it,  that  Miller  would  n't  be 
able  to  be  out  for  a  week  to  come 
yet." 


66  THE   GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "  Oh,  how  ridiculous 
you  are,  Doctor  !  " 

Bemis,  rising  feebly  from  his  chair : 
"  Well,  now  that  it 's  all  explained,  Mrs. 
Roberts,  I  think  I  'd  better  go  home ; 
and  if  you  '11  kindly  have  them  telephone 
for  a  carriage  —  " 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "  Jfo,  indeed,  Mr.  Be- 
mis !  We  shall  not  let  you  go.  Why, 
the  idea!  You  must  stay  and  take 
dinner  with  us,  just  the  same." 

JBemis  :  "  But  in  this  state  —  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  never  mind  the 
state.  You  look  perfectly  well;  and  if 
you  insist  upon  going  I  shall  know  that 
you  bear  a  grudge  against  Edward  for 
not  arresting  him.  Wait!  We  can  put 
you  in  perfect  order  in  just  a  second." 
She  flies  out  of  the  room,  and  then  comes 


THE   GARROTERS.  67 

swooping  back  with  a  needle  and  thread, 
a  fresh  white  necktie,  a  handkerchief, 
and  a  hair-brush.  "  There  !  I  can't  let 
you  go  to  Edward's  dressing-room,  be 
cause  he *s  there  himself,  and  the  children 
are  in  mine,  and  we  've  had  to  put  the 
new  maid  in  the  guest-chamber  —  you 
are  rather  cramped  in  flats,  that 's  true  ; 
that's  the  worst  of  them  —  but  if  you 
don't  mind  having  your  toilet  made  in 
public,  like  the  King  of  France  —  " 

Jlemis,  entering  into  the  spirit  of  it : 
"  Not  the  least,  but  —  "  He  laughs,  and 
drops  back  into  his  chair. 

Mrs.  Roberts,  distributing  the  brush 
to  young  Mr.  Bemis,  and  the  tie  to  his 
wife,  and  dropping  upon  her  knees  be 
fore  Mr.  Bemis  :  "  Now,  Mrs.  Lou,  you 
just  whip  oif  that  crumpled  tie  and  whip 


68  THE   GARROTERS. 

on  the  fresh  one,  and,  Mister  Lou,  you 
give  his  hair  a  touch,  and  I'll  have  this 
torn  button-hole  mended  before  you  can 
think."  She  seizes  it  and  begins  to  sew 
vigorously  upon  it. 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  u  Agnes,  you  are  the 
most  ridiculously  sensible  woman  in  the 
country." 

Lawton,  standing  before  the  group, 
with  his  arms  folded  and  his  feet  well 
apart,  in  an  attitude  of  easy  admiration  : 
"The  Wounded  Adonis,  attended  by 
the  Loves  and  Graces.  Familiar  Pom- 
peiian  fresco." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  looking  around  at  him  : 
"  I  don't  see  a  great  many  Loves." 

Lawton :  "  She  ignores  us,  Mrs.  Cra 
shaw.  And  after  what  you've  just 
said!" 


THE   GARROTERS.  69 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Then  why  don't  you 
do  something?" 

Lawton :  "  The  Loves  never  do  any 
thing —  in  frescos.  They  stand  round 
and  sympathize.  Besides,  we  are  waiting 
to  administer  an  anesthetic.  But  what 
I  admire  in  this  subject  even  more  than 
the  activity  of  the  Graces  is  the  serene 
dignity  of  the  Adonis.  I  have  seen  my 
old  friend  in  many  trying  positions,  but 
I  never  realized  till  now  all  the  simper 
ing  absurdity,  the  flattered  silliness,  the 
senile  coquettisimess,  of  which  his  be 
nign  countenance  was  capable." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Don't  mind  him  a  bit, 
Mr.  Bemis  ;  it 's  nothing  but  —  " 

Lawton  :  "  Pure  envy.     I  own  it." 

jBemis :  "  All  right,  Lawton.  Wait 
till  —  " 


70  THE   GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Itoberts,  making  a  final  stitch, 
snapping  off  the  thread,  and  springing 
to  her  feet,  all  in  one  :  "  There  !  Have 
you  finished,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Lou  ?  Well, 
then,  take  this  lace  handkerchief,  and 
draw  it  down  from  his  neck  and  pin  it 
in  his  waistcoat,  and  you  have  —  " 

JLawton,  as  Mr.  Bemis  rises  to  his 
feet :  "A  Gentleman  of  the  Old  School. 
Bemis,  you  look  like  a  miniature  of  your 
self  by  Malbone.  Rather  flattered,  but  — 
recognizable." 

JBemis,  with  perfectly  recovered  gay- 
ety :  "  Go  on,  go  on,  Lawton.  I  can 
understand  your  envy.  I  can  pity  it." 

Lawton :  "  Could  you  forgive  Roberts 
for  not  capturing  the  garroter  ?  " 

Bemis  :  "  Yes,  I  could.  I  could  give 
the  garroter  his  liberty,  and  present  him 


THE   GARROTERS.  71 

with  an  admission  to  the  Provident 
Wood-yard,  where  he  could  earn  an 
honest  living  for  his  family." 

Lawton,  compassionately  :  "  You  are 
pretty  far  gone,  Bemis.  Really,  I  think 
somebody  ought  to  go  for  Roberts." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  innocently :  "  Yes,  in. 
deed !  Why,  what  in  the  world  can 
be  keeping  him  ?  "  A  nursemaid  enters 
and  beckons  Mrs.  Roberts  to  the  door 
with  a  glance.  She  runs  to  her ;  they 
whisper;  and  then  Mrs.  Roberts,  over 
her  shoulder :  "  That  ridiculous  great 
boy  of  mine  says  he  can't  go  to  sleep 
unless  I  come  and  kiss  him  good-night." 

Lawton  :  "  Which  ridiculous  great 
boy,  I  wonder  ?  —  Roberts,  or  Camp 
bell  ?  But  I  did  n't  know  they  had 
gone  to  bed  !  " 


72  THE   GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Bemis :  "  You  're  too  bad,  papa ! 
You  know  it's  little  Neddy." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  vanishing :  "  Oh,  I  don't 
mind  his  nonsense,  Lou.  I'll  fetch 
them  both  back  with  me." 

Lawton,  after  making  a  melodramatic 
search  for  concealed  listeners  at  the 
doors  :  "  Now,  friends,  I  have  a  revela 
tion  to  make  in  Mrs.  Roberts's  absence. 
I  have  found  out  the  garroter  —  the 
assassin." 

All  the  others  :  «  What !  " 
Lawton  :  "  He  has  been  secured  —  " 
Mrs.  Crashaw,  severely  :  "  Well,  I  'm 
very  glad  of  it." 

Young  Bemis  :  "  By  the  police  ?  " 
Mrs.  HemiSj  incredulously :  "  Papa  !  " 
JBemis :  "  But  there  were  several   of 
them.     Have  they  all  been  arrested  ?  " 


THE  GARROTERS.  73 

Lawton :  "  There  was  only  one,  and 
none  of  him  has  been  arrested." 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Where  is  he,  then  ?  " 

Lawton :  "  In  this  house." 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  "Now,  Dr.  Lawton, 
you  and  I  are  old  friends  —  I  should  n't 
like  to  say  how  old  ;  but  if  you  don't 
instantly  be  serious,  I  —  I  '11  carry  my 
rheumatism  to  somebody  else." 

Lawton :  "  My  dear  Mrs.  Crashaw, 
you  know  how  much  I  prize  that  rheu 
matism  of  yours  !  I  will  be  serious  — 
I  will  be  only  too  serious.  The  garroter 
is  Mr.  Roberts  himself." 

All,  horror-struck  :  "  Oh  !  " 

Lawton :  "  He  went  out  without  his 
watch.  Pie  thought  he  was  robbed,  but 
he  was  n't.  He  ran  after  the  supposed 
thief,  our  poor  friend  Bemis  here,  and 


74  THE  GARROTERS, 

took  Bemis's  watch  away,  and  brought 
it  home  for  his  own." 

Young  Bemis  :    "  Yes,  but  —  " 
Mrs.  Bemis :    "  But,  papa  —  " 
Bemis:     u  How  do  you  know  it?    I 
can  see  how  such  a  thing  might  happen, 
but  —  how  do  you  know  it  did?" 
Lawton  :     "  I  divined  it." 
JUrs.  Crashaw :    "  Nonsense  !  " 
Lawton  :     "  Very  well,  then ;  I  read 
of  just  such  a  case  in  the  Advertiser  a 
year  ago.     It  occurs  annually  —  in  the 
newspapers.     And  I'll   tell   you  what, 
Mrs.  Crashaw — Roberts  found  out  his 
mistake  as  soon  as  he  went  to  his  dress 
ing-room  ;    and  that  ingenious  nephew 
of  yours,  who  's  closeted  with  him  there, 
has  been  trying  to  put  him  up  to  some 
thing —  to  some  game." 


THE  GARROTERS.  75 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  u  Willis  has  too  much 
sense.  He  would  know  that  Edward 
could  n't  cany  out  any  sort  of  game." 

Lawton :  u  Well,  then,  he's  getting 
Roberts  to  let  him  carry  out  the  game." 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Edward  could  n't 
do  that,  either." 

Lawton:  "Very  well,  then,  just  wait 
till  they  come  back.  Will  you  leave  me 
to  deal  with  Campbell?" 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  What  are  you  going 
to  do?" 

Young  Semis  :  "  You  must  n't  forget 
that  he  got  us  out  of  the  elevator,  sir." 

Mrs.  Bemis :  "  We  might  have  been 
there  yet  if  it  had  n't  been  for  him, 
papa." 

Mrs.  Crashaw:  "I  shouldn't  want 
Willis  mortified." 


76  THE  GARROTERS. 

Hemis  :  "  Nor  Mr.  Roberts  annoyed. 
We  're  fellow-sufferers  in  this  business." 

Lawton  :  "  Oh,  leave  it  to  me,  leave 
it  to  me !  I  '11  spare  their  feelings. 
Don't  be  afraid.  Ah,  there  they  come  ! 
Now  don't  say  anything.  I  '11  just  step 
into  the  anteroom  here." 

JRoberts,  entering  the  room  before 
Campbell,  and  shaking  hands  with  his 
guests:  "Ah,  Mr.  Bemis;  Mrs.  Bemis; 
Aunt  Mary !  You  've  heard  of  our  comi 
cal  little  coincidence  —  our  —  Mr.  Bemis 
and  my —  He  halts,  confused,  and 
looks  around  for  the  moral  support  of 
Willis,  who  follows  hilariously. 

Willis:  "Greatest  joke  on  record! 
But  I  won't  spoil  it  for  you,  Roberts. 
Go  on  !  "  In  a  low  voice  to  Roberts : 
"  And  don't  look  so  confoundedly  down 


THE  GARROTERS.  77 

in  the  mouth.  They  won't  think  it 's  a 
joke  at  all." 

Roberts,  with  galvanic  lightness : 
"Yes,  yes  —  such  a  joke!  Well,  you 
see  —  you  see  — 

Mrs.  CmsTiaw:  "  See  what,  Edward? 
Do  get  it  out !  " 

Willis,  jollily  :  "  Ah,  ha,  ha !  " 

Roberts,  lugubriously  :  "  Ah,  ha,  ha !  " 

Mrs.  Bemis  :  "  How  funny  !  Ha,  ha, 
ha!" 

Young  Mr.  Bemis :  "  Capital  !  cap 
ital  ! " 

Mr.  Bemis  :  " Excellent !  " 

Willis :  "  Go  on,  Roberts,  do !  or  I 
shall  die  !  Ah,  ha,  ha  !  " 

Roberts,  in  a  low  voice  of  consterna 
tion  to  Willis  :  «  Where  was  I  ?  I  can't 
go  on  unless  I  know  where  I  was." 


78  THE   GARROTERS. 

Willis,  sotto  voce  to  Roberts  :  "  You 
were  n't  anywhere  !  For  Heaven's  sake, 
make  a  start  !  " 

Roberts,  to  the  others,  convulsively: 
u  Ha,  ha,  ha!  I  supposed  all  the  time, 
you  know,  that  I  had  been  robbed,  and 


Willis  :  "  Go  on  !  go  on  !  " 

Roberts,  whispering  :  "  I  can't  do  it  !  " 
Willis,  whispering  :  "  You  've  got  to  ! 
You  're  the  beaver  that  clomb  the  tree. 
Laugh  naturally,  now  !  " 

Roberts,  with  a  staccato  groan,  which 
he  tries  to  make  pass  for  a  laugh  :  "  And 
then  I  ran  after  the  man  —  "  He  stops, 
and  regards  Mr.  Bemis  with  a  ghastly 
stare. 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  u  What  is  the  matter 
with  you,  Edward  ?  Are  you  sick  ?" 


THE   GARROTERS.  79 

Willis  :  «  Sick  ?  No  !  Can't  you  see 
that  he  can't  get  over  the  joke  of  the 
thing  ?  It  's  killing  him."  To  Roberts : 
''  Brace  up,  old  man  !  You  're  doing  it 
splendidly." 

Roberts,  hopelessly :  "  And  then  the 
other  man  —  the  man  that  had  robbed 
me  —  the  man  that  I  had  pursued  — 
ugh  !  " 

Willis :  "  Well,  it  is  too  much  for 
him.  I  shall  have  to  tell  it  myself,  I 
see." 

Roberts,  making  a  wild  effort  to  com 
mand  himself:  "  And  so  —  so  —  this 
man  —  man  —  ma  —  " 

Willis:  "Oh,  good  Lord—"  Dr. 
Lawton  suddenly  appears  from  the  ante 
room  and  confronts  him.  "  Oh,  the 
devil  ! " 


80  THE   GARROTERS. 

Lawton,  folding  his  arms,  and  fixing 
his  eyes  upon  him  :  "  Which  means  that 
you  forgot  I  was  coming." 

Willis :  "  Doctor,  you  read  a  man's 
symptoms  at  a  glance." 

Lawton :  "  Yes ;  and  I  can  see  that 
you  are  in  a  bad  way,  Mr.  Campbell." 

Willis:  "Why  don't  you  advertise, 
Doctor?  Patients  need  only  enclose  a 
lock  of  their  hair,  and  the  color  of 
their  eyes,  with  one  dollar  to  pay  the 
cost  of  materials,  which  will  be  sent, 
with  full  directions  for  treatment,  by 
return  mail.  Seventh  son  of  a  seventh 
son." 

Lawton:  "Ah,  don't  try  to  jest  it 
away,  my  poor  friend.  This  is  one  of 
those  obscure  diseases  of  the  heart  — 
induration  of  the  pericardium  —  which, 


THE   GARROTERS.  81 

if  not  taken  in  time,  result  in  deceitful- 
ness  above  all  things,  and  desperate 
wickedness." 

Willis:  "Look  here,  Dr.  Lawton, 
what  are  you  up  to  ? " 

Lawton :  "  Look  here,  Mr.  Campbell, 
what  is  your  little  game  ?  " 

Willis:  "/  don't  know  what  you  're 
up  to."  He  shrugs  his  shoulders  and 
walks  up  the  room. 

Lawton,  shrugging  his  shoulders  and 
walking  up  the  room  abreast  of  Camp 
bell  :  "  I  don't  know  what  your  little 
game  is."  They  return  together,  and 
stop,  confronting  each  other. 

Willis :  "  But  if  you  think  I  'm  going 
to  give  myself  away  —  " 

Lawton:  "If  you  suppose  I  'm  going 
to  take  you  at  your  own  figure  — " 


82  THE   GARROTERS. 

They  walk  up  the  room  together,  and 
return  as  before. 

Willis :  "  Mrs.  Bemis,  what  is  this  un 
natural  ^ff^fit  of  yours  after  ?  " 

Mrs.  Bemis,  tittering  :  "  Oh,  I  'm  sure 
I  can't  tell." 

"Willis :  "  Aunt  Mary,  you  used  to  be 
a  friend  of  mine.  Can't  you  give  me 
some  sort  of  clew?" 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "I  should  be  ashamed 
of  you,  Willis,  if  you  accepted  anybody's 
help." 

Willis,  sighing :  "  Well,  this  is  pretty 
hard  on  an  orphan.  Here  I  come  to  join 
a  company  of  friends  at  the  fireside  of  a 
burgled  brother-in-law,  and  I  find  myself 
in  a  nest  of  conspirators."  Suddenly, 
after  a  moment:  "Oh,  I  understand. 
Why,  I  ought  to  have  seen  at  once. 


THE   GARROTERS.  83 

But  no  matter  —  it  's  just  as  well.  I  'in 
sure  that  we  shall  hear  Dr.  Lawton 
leniently,  and  make  allowance  for  his 
well-known  foible.  Roberts  is  bound  by 
the  laws  of  hospitality,  and  Mr.  Bemis  is 
the  father-in-law  of  his  daughter." 

Mrs.  Bemis,  in  serious  dismay :  "Why, 
Mr.  Campbell,  what  do  you  mean  ?  " 

Willis :  "  Simply  that  the  mystery  is 
solved  —  the  double  garroter  is  discov 
ered.  I  'm  sorry  for  you,  Mrs.  Bemis ; 
and  no  one  will  wish  to  deal  harshly  with 
yourl  iSSer  when  he  confesses  that  it 
was  he  who  robbed  Mr.  Roberts  and  Mr. 
Bemis.  All  that  they  ask  is  to  have 
their  watches  back.  Go  on,  Doctor ! 
How  will  that  do,  Aunt  Mary,  for  a  little 
flyer?" 

Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  Willis,  I  declare  I 


84  THE   GARROTERS, 

never  saw  anybody  like  you  !  "    She  em 
braces  him  with  joyous  pride. 

Roberts,  coining  forward,  anxiously : 
"  But,  my  dear  Willis  —  " 

"Willis,  clapping  his  hand  over  his 
mouth,  and  leading  him  back  to  his 
place:  "A^e  can't  let  you  talk  now. 
I  've  no  doubt  you'll  be  considerate,  and 
all  that,  but  Dr.  Lawton  has  the  floor. 
Go  on,  Doctor  !  Free  your  mind !  Don't 
be  afraid  of  telling  the  whole  truth !  It 
will  be  better  for  you  in  the  end."  He 
rubs  his  hands  gleefully,  and  then  thrust 
ing  the  points  of  them  into  his  waistcoat 
pockets,  stands  beaming  triumphantly 
upon  Lawton. 

Lawton:  "Do  you  think  so?"  With 
well-affected  trepidation  :  "Well,  friends, 
if  I  must  confess  this  —  this  —  " 


THE   GARROTERS.  85 

Willis :  "  High-handed  outrage.     Go 
on." 

Lawton  :  "  I  suppose  I  must.  I  shall 
not  expect  mercy  for  myself  —  perhaps 
you  '11  say  that,  as  an  old  and  hardened 
offender,  I  don't  deserve  it.  But  I  had 
an  accomplice  —  a  young  man  very  re 
spectably  connected,  and  who,  whatever 
his  previous  life  may  have  been,  had 
managed  to  keep  a  good  reputation  ;  a 
young  man  a  little  apt  to  be  misled  by 
overweening  vanity  and  the  ill-advised 
flattery  of  his  friends ;  but  I  hope  that 
neither  of  you  gentlemen  will  be  hard 
upon  him,  but  will  consider  his  youth, 
and  perhaps  his  congenital  moral  and 
intellectual  deficiencies,  even  when  you 
find  your  watches  —  on  Mr.  Campbell's 
person."  He  leans  forward,  rubbing 


86  THE   GARROTERS. 

his  hands,  and  smiling  upon  Campbell. 
"  How  will  that  do,  Mr.  Campbell,  for  a 
flyer?" 

Willis,  turning  to  Mrs.  Crashaw :  "  One 
ahead,  "Aunt  Mary  ?" 

Law  ton,  clasping  him  by  the  hand: 
"  No,  generous  youth :  even  !  "  They 
shake  hands,  clapping  each  -other  on  the 
back  with  their  lefts,  and  joining  in  the 
general  laugh. 

JBemis,  coming  forward,  jovially : 
"  Well,  now,  I  gladly  forgive  you  both 
—  or  whoever  did  rob  me  —  if  you  '11 
only  give  me  back  my  watch." 

Willis  :  "  I  have  n't  got  your  watch." 

Lawton  :  "  Nor  I." 

Roberts,  rather  faintly,  and  coming 
reluctantly  forward  :  "I  —  I  have  it,  Mr. 
Bemis."  He  produces  it  from  one  waist- 


THE   GARROTERS.  87 

coat  pocket  and  hands  it  to  Bemis.  Then, 
visiting  the  other  :  "  And  what  's  worse, 
I  have  ray  own.  I  don't  know  how  I 
can  ever  explain  it,  or  atone  to  you 
for  my  extraordinary  behavior.  Willis 
thought  you  might  finally  see  it  as  a 
joke,  and  1 7ve  done  my  best  to  pass  it 
off  lightly  —  " 

Willis :  "  And  you  succeeded.  You 
had  all  the  lightness  of  a  sick  hippo 
potamus." 

Roberts :  "I'm  afraid  so.  I  '11  have 
the  chain  mended,  of  course.  But  when 
I  went  out  this  evening  I  left  my  watch 
on  my  dressing-table,  and  when  you 
struck  against  me  in  the  Common  I 
missed  it,  and  supposed  I  had  been 
robbed,  and  I  ran  after  you  and  took 
yours  —  " 


88  THE   GARROTERS. 

Willis :  "  Being  a  man  of  the  most 
violent  temper  and  the  most  desperate 
courage  —  " 

Roberts  :  "  But  I  hope,  my  dear  sir, 
that  I  did  n't  hurt  you  seriously." 

JBemis :  "  Not  at  all  —  not  the  least." 
Shaking  him  cordially  by  both  hands  : 
"  I  'm  all  right.  Mrs.  Roberts  has  healed 
all  my  wounds  with  her  skilful  needle ; 
I  Ve  got  on  one  of  your  best  neckties, 
and  this  lace  handkerchief  of  your  wife's, 
which  I  'm  going  to  keep  for  a  souvenir 
of  the  most  extraordinary  adventure  of 
my  life  _  » 

Lawton :  "  Oh,  it  's  an  old  newspaper 
story,  Bemis,  I  tell  you." 

Willis:  "Well,  Aunt  Mary,  I  wish 
Agnes  were  here  now  to  see  Koberts  in 
his  character  of  moral  hero.  He  '  done  ' 


THE   GARROTERS.  89 

it  with  his  little  hatchet,  but  he  waited 
to  make  sure  that  Bushrod  was  all  right 
before  he  owned  up." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  appearing :  "  Who, 
Willis?'*- 

Willis :  "  A  very  great  and  good  man  : 
George  Washington." 

o  o 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  I  thought  you  meant 
Edward." 

Willis :  "  Well,  I  don't  suppose  there 
is  much  difference." 

Mrs.  Crashaw  :  "  The  robber  has  been 
caught,  Agnes." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  c '  Caught  ?  Nonsense ! 
You  don't  mean  it !  How  can  you  trifle 
with  such  a  subject  ?  I  know  you  are 
joking!  Who  is  it?" 

Young  Bemis:  "You  never  could 
guess  —  " 


90  THE    GARROTERS. 

Mrs.  Bemis :  "  Never  in  the  world ! " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  I  don't  wish  to.  But 
oh,  Mr.  Bemis,  I  've  just  come  from  my 
own  children,  and  you  must  be  merciful 
to  his  family  ! " 

Bemis:  "  For  your  sake,  dear  lady, 
I  will." 

Bella,  between  the  portieres :  "  Dinner 
is  ready,  Mrs.  Roberts." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  passing  her  hand  through 
Mr.  Bemis' s  arm  :  "  Oh,  then  you  must 
go  in  with  me,  and  tell  me  sftl  about  it." 


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Harper's  Magazine  for  1886. 


The  December  Number  will  begin  the  Seventy-second 
Volume  of  HARPER'S  MAGAZINE.  It  is  the  purpose  of  the 
publishers  to  make  the  volumes  of  the  new  year  of  unpre 
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some  of  the  leading  attractions  of  the  forth  -  coming  vol 
umes. 

The  two  novels  now  in.  course  of  publication— Miss  WOOL- 
SON'S  ;'East  Angels"  and  Mr.  HOWELLS'S  "Indian  Sum 
mer" —  easily  take  the  foremost  place  in  current  serial 
fiction.  These  will  run  through  several  Numbers,  and, 
upon  their  completion,  will  be  followed  by  stories  from  Mrs. 
DINAH  MULOCK  CRAIK,  author  of  "John  Halifax,  Gentle 
man,"  and  R.  D.  BLACKMORE,  author  of  "  Lorna  Doone. " 

The  great  literary  event  of  the  year  will  be  the  publica 
tion  of  a  series  of  papers— taking  the  shape  of  a  story,  and 
depicting  characteristic  features  of  American  Society — writ 
ten  by  CHARLES  DUDLEY  WARNER,  and  illustrated  by  G.  S. 
KEINHART — the  materials  for  which  have  been  gathered  by 
the  author  and  artist  during  the  past  summer  at  the  princi 
pal  American  pleasure  resorts,  North  and  South. 

Beginning  in  the  January  Number,  a  New  Editorial  De 
partment,  discussing  topics  suggested  by  current  literature, 
will  be  contributed  by  Mr.  W.  D.  HOWELLS. 

While  HARPER'S  MAGAZINE  has  in  England  a  larger  circu 
lation  than  any  other  periodical  of  its  class,  it  will  be  the 
aim  of  its  publishers  and  conductors  not  only  to  make  it 
representative  of  what  is  best  in  American  literature  and 
art,  but  also  to  give  especial  attention  to  American  subjects, 
selected  with  reference  to  their  popular  interest. 


HARPER'S  MAGAZINE.  .  .  $4.00  per  Year. 


Harper's  Weekly  for  1886. 


On  the  2d  of  January,  1886,  HARPER'S  WEEKLY  will  enter 
upon  the  thirtieth  year  of  its  existence.  The  series  of  its 
volumes  justifies  its  title  as  "  A  Journal  of  Civilization  "  by 
reflecting,  with  steadily  increasing  fulness  and  accuracy, 
the  progress  of  civilization  throughout  the  period  which 
these  volumes  cover,  and  by  embodying  as  well  as  by  re 
cording  the  continuous  advance  of  American  literature  and 
American  art. 

In  Politics,  HARPER'S  WEEKLY  will  continue  to  represent 
the  principles  of  the  Republican  party,  and  of  the  Republi 
can  party  organization  in  so  far  as  that  organization  is  the 
faithful  exponent  of  those  principles.  Holding  aloof  from 
factional  entanglements,  it  will  attempt  to  give  voice  to 
the  best  and  wisest  sentiment  of  the  whole  country.  It 
has  borne  an  efficient  part  in  the  work  of  establishing  the 
Reform  of  the  Civil  Service  on  such  a  basis  that  the  early 
and  complete  triumph  of  the  reform  is  no  longer  doubted* 
nor  by  any  party  openly  opposed. 

In  Literature,  HARPER'S  WEEKLY  for  1886  will  be  signal 
ized  by  the  publication  of  two  important  and  striking  seri 
als.  One  of  these  is  by  Mr.  THOMAS  HARDY,  whose  posi 
tion  among  the  foremost  of  living  writers  of  fiction  is  un 
challenged;  the  other  by  Mr.  WALTER  BESANT,  one  of  the 
most  rapidly  rising  of  English  novelists.  Short  stories  by 
popular  writers  will  continue  to  be  features  of  the  paper, 
which  wifl  also  contain  from  time  to  time  important  ar 
ticles  on  special  subjects  by  acknowledged  authorities. 

In  Art,  it  will  be  the  aim  of  the  publishers  of  the  WEEKLY 
to  continue,  and  if  possible  to  increase,  the  rate  of  progress 
heretofore  maintained  in  its  illustrations. 


HARPER'S  WEEKLY  .  .  .  $4.00  per  Year. 


Earner's  Bazar  for  1886. 


The  new  volume  of  HARPER'S  BAZAR  offers  a  host  of 
brilliant  attractions  designed  to  interest  every  member  of 
the  family  circle.  It  will  continue  to  combine  the  choicest 
literature  and  the  finest  illustrations  with  the  latest  fash 
ions,  the  most  useful  household  knowledge,  the  best  methods 
of  household  decoration,  the  newest  usages  of  social  eti 
quette,  and  all  the  arts  that  make  home  attractive.  Its 
weekly  plates  of  the  latest  Paris  and  New  York  styles,  with 
its  well-fitting  patterns,  and  its  descriptions  of  the  materi 
als  and  styles  in  vogue,  instruct  its  readers  how  to  save 
many  times  the  cost  of  subscription  by  being  their  own 
dressmakers,  and  making  over  their  wardrobes  to  suit  the 
mode  of  the  day.  It  spreads  the  changes  of  fashion  through 
out  the  length  and  breadth  of  the  land,  and  enables  ladies 
in  the  remotest  country  towns  to  dress  as  tastefully  as 
those  dwelling  in  the  metropolis.  Its  papers  on  house 
keeping,  cooking,  the  management  of  servants,  and  all 
household  matters,  are  from  the  best  sources,  and  are 
eminently  practical.  Its  elaborate  articles  on  weddings, 
entertainments,  cards,  table  manners,  and  the  usages  of 
modern  society  in  general,  are  of  the  highest  interest. 

The  literary  excellence  of  HARPER'S  BAZAR  is  beyond  dis 
pute.  Its  serial  stories  are  by  such  acknowledged  masters 
of  fiction  as  WILLIAM  BLACK,  THOMAS  HARDY,  Mrs.  LYXJT 
LINTON,  F.  W.  ROBINSON,  W.  CLARK  RUSSELL,  JAMES  PAYN, 
Miss  MULOCK,  Miss  BRADDON,  etc.  Its  short  stories  are  dis 
tinguished  for  their  brightness.  Its  pithy  editorials  are 
marked  by  good  sense,  and  its  poems,  essays,  and  other 
matter  are  the  best  of  the  kind.  Not  a  line  is  ever  printed 
in  its  columns  that  could  ottend  the  most  fastidious  taste. 


HARPER'S  BAZAR  .   .  .  $4.00  per  Year. 


Harper's  Yoni  People  for  1886. 


The  position  of  HARPER'S  YOUNG  PEOPLE  as  the  foremost 
weekly  paper  for  young  readers  is  now  firmly  established. 

The  aim  of  its  conductors  is  to  make  it  a  weekly  miscel 
lany  of  the  best  reading  and  illustrations  for  boys  and  girls 
from  eight  to  sixteen  years  of  age,  and  the  publishers  have 
spared  neither  pains  nor  expense  to  secure  for  it  the  very 
best  literary  and  artistic  work  anywhere  to  be  purchased. 

Every  word  and  every  cut  that  goes  into  its  pages  is  sub 
jected  to  the  most  rigid  editorial  scrutiny,  not  merely  to 
see  that  nothing  harmful  shall  by  any  chance  creep  in,  but 
equally  to  make  sure  that  the  paper  shall  be  an  effective 
agency  for  the  mental,  moral,  and  physical  education  and 
improvement  of  its  readers.  The  serial  and  short  stories 
found  in  its  pages  have  all  the  dramatic  interest  that  juve 
nile  fiction  can  possess, while  at  the  same  time  being  wholly 
free  from  all  that  is  pernicious,  and  are  of  such  a  high  lit 
erary  quality  that  their  perusal  tends  directly  and  power 
fully  to  the  cultivation  of  a  correct  taste  in  literature. 

The  fact  that  HARPER'S  YOUXG  PEOPLE  appears  at  brief 
weekly  intervals  greatly  increases  the  interest  felt  by  its 
readers,  especially  in  the  serial  stories,  while  the  sixteen 
quarto  pages,  of  which  each  number  consists,  afford  ample 
space  for  the  utmost  variety  of  matter. 

A  sample  copy  will  be  sent  on  receipt  of  a  three-cent 
stamp. 


HAKPER'S  YOUNG  PEOPLE  .  .  .  $2.00  per  Year. 


